Your guide to your Christmas chocs

Roses:
Orange Mush: Thin chocolate shell containing hydrogenated vegetable oil and orange flavour chemicals
Strawberry Gak: With a filling discovered at the bottom of a pond, this sweet is encased in mercury-enriched SoyChoc
Hazelnut Reaction: Chocolate-style candy product with a nut-style additive.
Goldenish Barrel: Moist, whipped centre with a sparse covering of stuff
Praline Thing: Stuff. In stuff. Tastes a bit nutty. Like a mental squirrel.
Hedgerow fudge: Collected by immigrants and digested by weasels. This is their output.
Chunky Truffle: Chunks of lard with enriched with crispy surprises.

Quality Street:
Toffee Finger: Stick in mud
Toffee penny: Stone in mud
Coffee creme: Mud in different mud
White chocolate surprise: Last year's milk chocolate with that special "bloom" on it to make it white

Miniature Heroes:
Mr Little
Super Tiny Weeny Man
The Dot
Gnatwoman
Electron-Microsope-O
The Ultra Violet

Celebrations:
Mars: The bringer of war
Milky Way: Not as good as it used to be
Bounty: On the Mutiny
Falaffel Treat: Chick pea, onion and garlic goodness. Enrobed in chocolate. (Limited edition)