Holiday Lore
Back, back in the old days, this time of year was one of mystery. The pagan and religious significance of the lengthening of the days, shortening of the nights made for a time of great thankfulness and joy.
No day was more anticipated than the first of January.
The people would gather in hushed awe as they waited for the dawning of that day and the supposed arrival of a legendary figure, seen only once a year. Like Santa Claus, New Years Dave would come along and bring joy to thousands. However, unlike St. Nick, he did not come bearing gifts in the traditional sense.
Arriving just after 2:30am in a state that many historical commentators considered "merry", New Years Dave would stand and yell at the door of your house, your cat and your uncollected milk bottles. He would then proceed to pee up your wall, kick over your dustbin and sick-up on your doormat. All of this, it is speculated, would be accompanied by a mystical tune. Much like the "Auld Lang Syne" we sing today, it would have been filled with traditional cuss-words and threats of violence towards anyone who passed along the street.
The first householder in the area to offer New Years Dave a bed for the night just to get him to shut-up would be blessed by his appearance and thankfulness the following morning.
For only a full English breakfast, the use of the bathroom and directions to the nearest ale-house, New Years Dave would bid the family a fine day, leaving only a sock and his manly aroma impregnated upon the sofa for the rest of the year. This is believed to have brought good luck to the family and they would be excused from helping with New Years Dave's celebrations the next time he came along.
So, everyone, be on the look out for New Years Dave. He's on his way!
As this extract from Chaucer puts it:
And so can ye sense it in the air
Ye smell of vomite everywhere
Beckons forth with sentiment grave
The coming on of New Years Dave
Be he a spirit? Be he a devil?
Be he everso full with ale?
Be he shouting at your cat?
Be ye careful - step over ye doormat
For New Years Dave is here again
Cigarettes snaffled from round a drain
And things unmentionable in his beard
New Years Dave is to be feared
Let him not into your abode
Give him not your festive food
Hand him not a wassailing cup
And your daughters, keep lock-ed up.
No day was more anticipated than the first of January.
The people would gather in hushed awe as they waited for the dawning of that day and the supposed arrival of a legendary figure, seen only once a year. Like Santa Claus, New Years Dave would come along and bring joy to thousands. However, unlike St. Nick, he did not come bearing gifts in the traditional sense.
Arriving just after 2:30am in a state that many historical commentators considered "merry", New Years Dave would stand and yell at the door of your house, your cat and your uncollected milk bottles. He would then proceed to pee up your wall, kick over your dustbin and sick-up on your doormat. All of this, it is speculated, would be accompanied by a mystical tune. Much like the "Auld Lang Syne" we sing today, it would have been filled with traditional cuss-words and threats of violence towards anyone who passed along the street.
The first householder in the area to offer New Years Dave a bed for the night just to get him to shut-up would be blessed by his appearance and thankfulness the following morning.
For only a full English breakfast, the use of the bathroom and directions to the nearest ale-house, New Years Dave would bid the family a fine day, leaving only a sock and his manly aroma impregnated upon the sofa for the rest of the year. This is believed to have brought good luck to the family and they would be excused from helping with New Years Dave's celebrations the next time he came along.
So, everyone, be on the look out for New Years Dave. He's on his way!
As this extract from Chaucer puts it:
And so can ye sense it in the air
Ye smell of vomite everywhere
Beckons forth with sentiment grave
The coming on of New Years Dave
Be he a spirit? Be he a devil?
Be he everso full with ale?
Be he shouting at your cat?
Be ye careful - step over ye doormat
For New Years Dave is here again
Cigarettes snaffled from round a drain
And things unmentionable in his beard
New Years Dave is to be feared
Let him not into your abode
Give him not your festive food
Hand him not a wassailing cup
And your daughters, keep lock-ed up.
posted by Alf at Thursday, December 29, 2005
1 Comments:
You fool!
But very funny nonetheless.
Oh and hope you're feeling better than I :o(
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