the future is now

wHat i DiD on Me holedays
by Little Jimmy Foster (aged 1 and a half)(ish)

My dad and mum made me get up at 5:30 and do running for SEVEN MILES before i was allowed my Kelloggs No Fat No Sugar Choc All Bran. I then had an apple and then i had to go to my language lessons. I am learning classical Greek, which is where they send yogurt from but mummy says i'm not allowed it cos it's got all fat in it and despite the fact that I'm only 18 months old I should really not be eating more than 1 gram of fat a day as part of my 6 calorie daily intake.
then I went running again as i'd eaten a carrot stick without asking. this skewed my GI index or something and would make me hyperactive so i had to do skipping rope too.
after my lunch of tofu and beansprouts i had to register at the Gubberment silo and tell the nice man behind the bullet-proof plexiglass about how much mummy and daddy love me. I told them that i eat five portions of fruit and vengetables a day and run and skip and jump and have a lovely time while my dna is being extracted at nursery school so they can have special doors that only let us KOOL KIDZ who allow our DNA to be taken into the building. all the other SADD KIDDZ get left out because their mums and daddys are criminals who have things to hide because they don't let their children get scanned or registered. the governemtnt man who came to see us said that because of them we couldn't have new toys this year and if we all tried really hard to get the BAD
boys and Girls to register that we could all get a Super Gameboy PS360 each and be allowed to have a tour around the houses of parliament to see a nice man called tony who is like father chrimstas.
we then went to the seaside where i had ice cream made from a really KOOL thing called Nanotechnology and GM modified animal fat what is part of the govermnent's way of keeping SCIENCE and KOOL stuff like that
alive in the UK. they need our money to stop an man called TREVOR ISTS and his WEMBLEY STADIUMS of MASS CONSTRUCTION DELAYED UNTIL 2015.

(etc)